Bare Minimum Parenting by James Breakwell: A Fresh, Funny Reminder of an Important Truth
Do you ever feel like parenting is too tough? Are you worn down and tired out from carting the kids from activity to the next? Do you longingly remember of the days when you actually had free time, maybe even a hobby? Are you stressed out by your kids endless small rebellions and worried over every grade they bring home from school? If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you might be trying too hard. This book is for you.
As parents, we naturally care about our children and want what is best for them. We could never live with ourselves if we didn’t give our kids the absolute best chance to succeed. In our highly competitive, information-rich, consumer-driven society, that usually gets translated into more of everything. More schooling, more activities, more help, more baby products, more toys, more time. So we stress out about every minor decision, make sure we are up on all the latest fads, and give our kids the best we can possibly afford. No one wants to look back on life and think, “Johnny would have been the President if only I’d gotten him the right bottle nipple when he was baby.” News flash: Johnny was never going to be President.
The book hilariously lampoons this kind of parenting, in which we all indulge at times. It presents an extreme alternative to “overachieving” parents in the “bare minimum” parent, whose only goal is to spend as little time, energy, and money as possible to produce a functional adult who leaves the house, doesn’t go to jail, and doesn’t blame their parent for all their problems. If most kids are going to end up being average anyway, why spend hundreds on the latest baby trend they don’t need or hours shuttling them to extracurriculars they don’t want to do? Why not let them eat chicken nuggets every night and watch screens all day? You’re not making their lives any better by obsessing over their future. You’re just making your own life harder. Sometimes, It pays to be lazy.
Breakwell revels in this over-the-top satire and leans into the self-deprecating comedy, perhaps a bit too much. If there’s one criticism of the book, it’s that not every paragraph needs to end in a joke. There are plenty of eye-rollers, but there are also more than enough moments of genuine laughter to justify it all, especially in his many “helpful” charts and graphs. But it would be worth reading regardless, because it’s a message many of us need to hear. The laughter helps soften the blow.
As parents, it’s hard to think that all the time and effort and money we spend taking care of our kids doesn’t have the long-term impact we want it to, but it’s true. We can’t control our children’s future—hell, we can barely control their present—no matter how hard we try. It’s simply not within our power. Kids at the best schools still end up struggling, and not many whose parents train them from birth end up playing pro sports. Most will be average kids with average jobs and an average but happy life. No everyone can be President.
That’s a good thing. The pressure isn’t on you. Your kids will be fine even if you’re not a perfect parent, even if you miss a few activities, even if you make some mistakes. Thank God, because you’re going to. Your kid is their own person who will grow and succeed along their own path. You can help, of course, and you can walk it along with them, but being in a good home with loving parents is all you really need to give them a great shot. Next to that, the particular type of nut butter you buy doesn’t add much to their chances.